So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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