he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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