we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
