Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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