why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
