im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
