Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
