You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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