just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
