ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
