im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
