shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
