I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
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