If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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