It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
