this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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