My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
