My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
