Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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