I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
