Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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