i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
