So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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