I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
