Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
