I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
