Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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