I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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