On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
