I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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