Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
birth control should be required to get into college
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
