Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
