Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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