So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
