Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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