You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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