I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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