He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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