They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
