Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
