I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
