I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
