I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
