Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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