toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
