that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I intend to get homeless drunk
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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