Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
