I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
