Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
