you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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