Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You work out of a Hotel?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
