I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
